Weak

Judgement is weak. You'd rather exercise empathy, not judgement. My internal dialogue insists that I can never be a good writer. Maybe writing isn't for me, or I am resisting showing empathy to the person in the mirror. When the contents in the cup overflow, it's easier to share the abundance, but my empathy cup is empty.

Emptiness is the only pain that Panadol can never understand. There are so many terrible things in my life that I want to escape from, and disappear for good. Suicidal thoughts have been stuffed in my empty head, sometimes screaming profanities. Why am I delaying escaping for good?

I guess it's Harmonize. It fascinates me to see him telling Nandy 'Mwaga maji nimwage mbolea' --- we all know he won't do it. The brave chose to understand the pain; sometimes the bravest decision a person will ever make is to give up. Act decisively.

My friend tried committing suicide before --- thrice --- it just wasn't for her. Death had done her wrong somehow. One of the reasons we write is to make sense of the world we live in. I am a believer, and most of the things that Christ Jesus say don't make sense. It still sounds cliché to say 'What makes sense needs no faith'. They believe because it doesn't make sense.

So, a believer visits Brazzers on New Year's Eve, more out of curiosity than habit. It's incredibly difficult to resist temptation. Analyzing the action believers take behind the scenes is like trying to figure out how the Genesis Technology works, or trying to tell a two-year old to spell the word Teeka. It's just a waste of time.

They say that we write to find the fire in the darkness, but the fire found me. The fire is here for good. Fire finding me is comparable to trying to disrupt the system. Society won't understand it. They don't understand that they won't own the car after taking a car loan, therefore, they won't understand this.  The bank owns the car; they just won't tell you. Understanding kicks in during a repossession.

There is no such thing as a perfect decision, but you can decide better. The critic voices from within are both angry and powerful. Sia was right: An angry man's power will shut you up, especially if you are weak. The critic voices from within have shut me up, and I don't know how to silence them. It's over!