Beloved Kerosene

Dear Kerosene,

I have been looking for you. The Lord is my witness: I have traveled miles, and I went another extra mile, searching for you. People define beautiful differently. To me, beautiful means finding you. 

I  chose to travel along difficult roads so that I could be lead to beautiful destinations. My Kerosene, I was disappointed more than Ruto when he didn't find land in the promised land. Hata sijaskia vibaya.

My love, I even checked your safe house in Vikwatani. I couldn't find you. I know after reading this part you'll say, "Don't worry about finding me. I will find you." Listen, my Kerosene, now is not the time to give me that 'I will find you' crap! Where are you?

Forgive me for my outburst. I know I'm supposed to start with 'Hola Hermosa! Where are you?' Let us agree that your sudden disappearance makes it hard for me to be romantic. It's evident that my love for you is rock-solid, and there's nothing more I can do to prove it.

I know you've heard rumors about me spending time with LPG. My Kerosene, I can explain. Do you remember the day I told you I am heading to the men's retreat? The host insisted that I should cook with LPG. Trust me, it was a disgusting experience. I haven't recovered from it to date. 

I tried to sneak you in the retreat center, but my efforts were fruitless. My love, it was like continually voting for Raila to be president, but the other side had already decided that Raila Amolo Odinga will never be president. I guess he'll only be president in the hearts of those who have been infected by the Baba-Virus. 

LPG apologetics have been telling me that you were lost because of the Corona Virus pandemic. That's a lie! I strongly believe that you rank up there with COVID-19. I used to spray you on bedbugs, and they died instantly. The fact that you are a bedbug killer gives me hope; the Corona Virus cannot defeat you. 

My Kerosene, I know that your sudden disappearance is just an overreaction due to my short interaction with LPG at the retreat center. I want you to know that you were always in my heart, wherever I was forced to interact with that egotistical thing. She likes to leave people stranded, especially when she exits the gas cylinder without notice.

I can't cook. Sina nguvu, sina uwezo! The bedsitter is filled with Supa Loaf brown bread and Nuteez Spread peanut butter. I miss blowing off the flames from the kerosene cooking stove. It gave me a sense of possessing solid working knowledge of exhaling techniques. I'm just tired of eating peanut butter sandwich. Ukweli boo, nimechoka!

Do you know how the hell it feels telling people for 30 years that you'll never walk alone? Those are three decades without an EPL trophy --- bloody traumatizing! My Kerosene, your worth to me is more than an EPL trophy. I want you more than the economy needs recovery. 

You might say that LPG is widely available, but that thing cannot fill this special emptiness that's in my heart. My love, Liverpool still felt the premier league emptiness while holding the UCL trophy. It's not about the money. 

My Kerosene, it's about the heart. You know that the heart of every problem is a problem of the heart. Your disappearance can cause a sudden surge --- think! I am convinced that you have untold expectations. Come and talk to me.

I promise to hold back nothing that will be profitable to you. I am ready to listen. 

Forever Yours, 

Ken. 

P.S. Someone who is broken will give you broken love. Think about that before you decide to find another lover.